THE PHALLUSCY OF DATING

I counted myself lucky picking up something that was ‘curable’. But the entire ordeal got me thinking about the life I was leading. It was a well-coordinated balance of early morning exercise, a stable job till 5pm, more workouts, parties and plenty of sex. Almost any spare bit of time was devoted to lining up dates. I used to keep plenty of spare bedsheets, clean towels handy and a large quantity of rubbers and lube. Sex was the perfect panacea for boredom, mental blocks, depression, loneliness… virtually any void could be filled.

Thankfully work got the better of me as time went by but ultimately that visit to the doctors for a barrage of tests got me thinking it’s definitely time to play safe; or else. I digress but let’s get back to people and dates!

Meeting people should be an enriching experience (even if they’re not dates). Some of the best relationships I ever had were with individuals that were at times polar opposites of myself. Different, yet possessing shared values about life. Ultimately that’s the magic in all of it. It can’t be truly defined as most individuals want something ‘different’ in their relationships. Some seek emotional stability, some financial stability, some only want non-stop dramas day and night, some just want a trophy partner (must be IG worthy!), some only want someone to fill in their spare time, some can only deal with distances while others want the warm embrace of someone, forgetting about the world around them.

Whatever you choose, the process of meeting people is often fraught with going through a critical mass of individuals; some interesting, some intense and some just annoying AF. Some years ago some old friends asked me to put myself up ‘on the market’ again and go on dates. I’d been happily single for a good part of 6 years mostly spending time on work, rekindling ties with old friends, and also took a gap year to reflect and meet new friends along the way and throwing myself into nights of endless parties and socialising.

Going online to meet people again was interesting. Going into the field as someone now in his late 30s; it was still as treacherous a path as it always was. The only thing was; I guess I had distanced myself enough to look out for tell-tale signs of trouble. Being as objective as any late 30s man would be (right!), I soldiered on with the dates:

A 30-something professional. Seemingly intelligent. Not half bad looking. We ended up for drinks at a rather secluded yet stylish bar. After some chats and pecks on the cheek, he tells me he was already partnered to someone 30yrs older than himself. I was thinking, why bother going online, leading someone on, only to drop a bombshell part way through the night. He kept messaging me for meet-ups with honey-dripping lines; I saw through it and moved on.

A 30-something professional. Average looking. Spoke well. We had coffee at a quiet place only to listen to his work related exploits (YAWNS). Guess he couldn’t make the distinction between work and after-hours. I soon decided to leave as I didn’t want to hear any more about his work. He should have called for a board meeting instead of calling me out.

Late 20s. Lanky. Attractive. I offered to buy him a drink yet he claimed he wasn’t keen to come out due to the exorbitant cost of transport (RM7) from his place to the bar. I offered to pick him up and hauled him to the bar. Gosh… I should have been speaking to a decorative object. Monosyllabic sounds/words were all I heard all evening. It didn’t help that he wanted to get the numbers of the people he saw on my FB page. I’m not a dating service nor a marriage broker! He was unceremoniously dumped on the spot as I walked off to join the company of friends that happened to be at the venue.

Early 30s. An articulate professional. Average looker. Again someone absorbed by work and unable to converse; often providing delusional statistics on why my views should be dismissed. Definitely a sociopath! Kept badgering me to bring him over to my place. I also found out he used an assumed name… case closed!

Mid 20s. Non-professional. Attractive. Lanky. Seems to conveniently forget to bring cash out despite knowing we’re going out for drinks at clubs (twice). OK… enough of these pretty boys looking for an ATM machine!

You can go into the ‘field’ with a mental shield or an open heart but yes, you will meet a variety of blokes. The good, bad and ugly. Well, different strokes for different folks none the less. If you do meet someone special, it doesn’t need any quantum or metric to determine anything. You will know if you meet the right guy!

Avoid the pit-falls especially those that continuously put you down, those that are self-centred/self-absorbed, those queuing for an ATM machine (I mean you, not the bank!) and at all cost; avoid creeps/sociopaths please! Dating should be amusing; not a traumatic experience that leads you to a weekly trip to a shrink after meeting someone that sends you off the edge. Also leave the drama queens in the dust please! They aren’t worthy of your time.

I always remembered the words of Carrie Bradshaw (from Sex In The City): “Enjoy yourself. That’s what your 20s are for. Your 30s are to learn the lessons. Your 40s are to pay for the drinks.”

~

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