Confusion. Christmas. Covid. Must Be Britain Under The Tories

Looks like Boris Johnson’s Omicron response task force may shaft everyone’s Christmas plans again

If I had to come up with a two-word phrase to describe Boris Johnson’s approach to Covid, it’d be ‘bumbling cockwomble’. I think there’s been a fairly concerted effort on his part, and the part of all his under-competent lackeys not to issue any useful advice at all.

We now have Omicron. That’s great. I thought we likely would have by now… the UK quarantine system is currently asking people if they’ve sneezed at all in the last few hours and throwing them into an expensive hotel if they have.

That’s one way to boost falling income for airport hotels now that Britain has all the international standing of a paraplegic eel and all the tourist appeal of a dog turd amusement park.

When it comes to issuing Covid advice, Johnson is a master of hedging his bets. Some might see that as political expediency, others may correctly identify it as him being a shifty bellend with no real strategy past self-aggrandisement.

And his top team aren’t much better.

On this issue and many others, they’ve sat down, spun round on their chairs and brainstormed how to be as feckless as possible. I don’t know how many meetings they had, but any meeting with Michael Gove in it will likely end in an intellectual stalemate. The cabinet is a mess and the PM is a car-boot-sale Trump and the UK is only just waking up and realising this fact.

I’m planning to sneak into Downing Street as an aide and suggest the Jim Jones Strawberry Cyanide option. That’ll forge a new path.

Last Christmas we played the travel hokey-cokey. Johnson announced we could have a ruddy good time in early December, then weeks later tried to shut London with forty minutes notice. All this really did was spread Covid around in packed trains during the inevitable exodus of the capital. Book your tickets, now you can’t use them.

This year we’ve had to cancel the Coca Cola ‘Holidays are Coming’ advert because there aren’t…

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