Three Pillars of Transactional Love Culture

RELATIONSHIPS

Avoid these at all cost.

Our species is steeped in a Transactional Love Culture. In this reality love has become a commodity to be procured and hoarded. Instead of being the abundant and infinite source that it is, it has become a precious and valued commodity to be doled out to our finite and conditional hearts. It has been tightly interwoven with our sense of self worth, so much so that we abdicate our ability to experience love to only one person that will deliver it to us for eternity, reinforcing our very worthiness (or lack of) in receiving it.

It is no surprise that love has been corrupted this way considering the capitalist conditioning we’ve been subject to, the transactional nature of marriage for millenia, and the merging of emotional fulfillment with the construction of sustainable family units in a culture that has swung toward toxic individualism. This conditioning makes human value (or lack of value) commensurate to the amount of money one has and reduces intimacy and caretaking to a service. And the emotional stakes have never been higher for a world filled with humans that think they have so few wells of love in which to drink from. In this world, it is not a surprise that we see love as a product or prize to be earned, shopped, hoarded and owned.

So said my friend JC who was working me through yet another unfortunate occurrence of an emotionally inaccessible man tiptoeing in and out of my life. I seem to have just the right nectar for that particular bee.

As I labored over a sink of dirty dishes I thought to myself, “Well if I’m deserving of more, why don’t I have more?” If the only thing that keeps showing up in my life is inaccessible men, what does that say about what I deserve? And what about all those people who are happily coupled. What did they do to deserve that love that I haven’t done. Or conversely, what about those in unhappy couplings? What did they do to deserve being…

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